Winter Weather XI Football Team

I was surfing to the Offside Island when I found this treasure.

This winter is quite dreadful, it made several football matches on Britain called off. I think it's the right time to think about a full team of players with winter weather themed names.

The Offside has really come up with a great idea. Check this one out:

In goal: Werner Friese, who was the backup East Germany goalkeeper at the 1974 World Cup. He didn’t get on the pitch, but he’s perfect for this team. Backup keeper is Man Utd’s Ben Froster.

Defence: Always a tough area when picking a themed XI, as defenders tend to be less well known than any other position. But we did eventually get four names. Ex Denmark defender Søren Colding can play right back. The pun-tastic Man Utd defender Snomenja Vidic is partnered by the sounds a bit like “chilly” Giorgio Chiellini in central defence. Left back duties go to former Everton defender midfielder Ian Snodin. Because some people in Hull actually were snowed in.

Midfield: Plenty of options in midfield so I’ll just get on with it and list them. We’ve got former Netherlands and Ajax midfielder Aron Winter, current Bristol Rovers defensive mid Dominic Blizzard, Ajax (but currently on loan at Bristol City) midfielder Evander Sno are all ideal. There’s also Steve Snow, who I’d never heard of until yesterday, but he was capped twice by the USA in 1988/89.

Attack: Lots of strikers to choose from too. There’s Lukas PodolSKI obviously, but then once you start punning it’s very hard to stop. Dimitar Brrrbatov started the whole thing, St. Nicklas Bendtner is a little out of season but still relevant, while Bobblehat Zamora is just plain hilarious (plus, he’s in form). But the icing on the cake, in terms of both quality of player and excellence of worldplay, has to be Den Iceberg Kamp.

Here’s my final Winter Weather XI, playing a sort of 4-3-1-2:

Werner Friese
Søren Colding – Snomenja Vidic – Giorgio Chiellini – Ian Snodin
Dominic Blizzard – Aron Winter – Evander Sno
Den Icerberg Kamp
Lukas Podolski – Bobblehat Zamora

Subs: Ben Froster, Steve Snow, Dimitar Brrrbatov, St. Nicklas Bendtner

Manager will obviously be either Millwall’s Kenny Jackett or Nigel Winterburn. All games to be refereed by Jeff Winter.

Look Out, Robinho!

It is usually Robinho, who employs the element of surprise to bamboozle opponent's defenders, but Manchester City defender, Micah Richards did a counter-attack to him during the training. Richards ambushed his team-mate, Robinho, in a training ground snow ball fight.

Richards ghosts up on a heavily armed, smiling Robinho (above) before launching himself within shot of his totally unaware team-mate (below).

Freezy-peasy: Richards slams the snowball into Robinho's face

Insane Commentator

Inter Milan proved many people wrong by claiming three points in a hard-fought victory against Siena in Giuseppe Meazza stadium last weekend. They won 4-3, with still one goal down in 88th minute. Wesley Sneijder's two free-kicks in the dying minutes ensured the win for I Nerrazurri, first directly into the goal, and the second through Walter Samuel's final touch.

With both these goals, Jose Mourinho somehow managed to avoid his first league home loss in over 8 years, including during his spell at Porto and Chelsea.

This footage showed an insane commentator, who looked like an Interisti (wearing Inter scarf), shouted excitingly after both goals.

Another Disgrace

Cristiano Ronaldo did another disgraceful activity. This time, the victim is his own Real Madrid mate, Marcelo.

Ronaldo, the 80-million-pounds man has obviously gone too far.

Arshavin Is About to be Robbed

I guess Steven Gerrard and Daniel Agger wanted Andrei's lunch money.

ROFL

This photograph was taken during Liverpool's 1-2 loss from Arsenal.

A treasure from Dirty Tackle Island.

Can You Guess?

Can you guess who did this?

I guess I know.

It must be Cristiano Ronaldo who jumped on his gay partner, Kaka.

Interesting stuff. I wonder what would happen if he landed right on his head. I guess Kaka would happily announce that Cristiano Ronaldo had officially retired from football.

EPL Conclusion 3-4 October 2009

1. Manchester United really don’t help Sir Alex Ferguson’s case with these injury time goals. Another get of of jail card in time added on, this time to grab a draw against Sunderland.

2. Rafa Benitez hasn’t got the injury time touch yet. He moaned about the lack of stoppage time to the fourth official only for his team to concede again.

3. Arsene Wenger has finally got a true replacement for Thierry Henry, and he plays centre-half!

4. Portsmouth should not pay their players more often. It seemed to work wonders.

5. Early morning walks along popular suicide spots also appear to focus the mind. Well done, master tactician Phil Brown.

6. It is a day of celebration for anyone who has Cesc Fabregas in a fantasy football team. One goal, four assists, one badge-kiss (don’t think there’s points for that though).

7. The best and worst of Didier Drogba were on display yesterday. Diving and theatrics which even his team-mates found embarrassing, but quality centre-forward play and vital assists.

8. Peter Walton obviously decided that the Arsenal-Blackburn was going to have enough goals and enforced a penalty embargo.

9. Kagisho Dikgacoi learnt the hard way on his Fulham debut that slapping is largely prohibited in the Premier League

10. Congratulations to Vedran Corluka for grabbing Spurs’ equaliser without any practice. The Croatian revealed he doesn’t like heading the ball, but conquered his fear to grab a point.

This is one of Uncle Salabam's treasure that he got from Off The Post Island.

The Game is Never Over

This is an amazing advertising video by Nike, who featured Patrice Evra of Manchester United. A very funny one, just take a look, and you can laugh as big as you want:

This is one of Uncle Salabam's treasure that he got from Off the Post Island and YouTube Island.

Crazy Football Commentator

F

Crazy football commentator, talking about the crazy diving of Fabio Grosso, which allowed Italy to go through to World Cup 2006 QF. Italy needed a diving to become the world champion.

This is one of Uncle Salabam's treasure that he got from YouTube Island.

Luca Toni Checks His Junk

Just before coming on as a substitute for his first appearance this season in Bayern Munich’s 5-0 DFB Pokal second round win over RW Oberhausen on Tuesday, Luca Toni made sure everything was in place. In his pants. Because you really don’t want a ball popping out on your all-important season debut.

[Photos: Sven Simon/Bild]

This photograph is one of Uncle Salabam's treasure that he got from Dirty Tackle Island.

A Whole New Team

Do you know how on earth can you describe how funny it is to watch AC Milan stumble game after game this season? Well, it is a quite different question to answer, because in fact, it is more than hilarious to see in www.livescore.com that AC Milan lost 0-1 to FC Zurich in front of their own fans. Other examples: they drew 0-0 with Bari and 1-1 with Atalanta over the past few weeks. They were also torn apart by their rival Inter, by four goals to nil. I’m very ashamed to endure all of these results, although I’m not a Milan fan either.

So one day, a few hours before Milan lost 0-1 to Zurich in Champions League, I passed by the Goal.com Island, where I found a unique billboard, which mentioned problems occured in Rossoneri squad. There were some factors, such as the off-form players, the coach, Adriano Galliani and Silvio Berlusconi, global financial crysis, even the Calciopoli was also included. And as the bottom line, that billboard said that perhaps AC Milan needed a whole new team because it seemed that their problems are everywhere (goalkeepers, defences, offences, managements, morale, mental, finance, etc). That sentence reminded me of a song title, A Whole New World. That’s why then I changed the song lyric to become “A Whole New Team”. You can sing this song as though you wanted to sing A Whole New World but with different lyric. Take a close look:

A Whole New Team

I can show you the words:

Silly, slow, sulky, spoofy

Tell me Milan,

now when did you last

make your fans rejoice

I can open your backs,

beat you over and over

in the home games and away

to any Italian side

A whole new team

a new fantastic manager,

no one to tell us how,

or where to score,

or say we’re only joking

A whole new team,

Younger players we never have

But when we drew or lost

it’s crystal clear

that now we need a whole new team

with us

Unbelievable sights,

Indescribable feelings

soaring, tumbling, free-wheeling

through an endless run of games

A whole new team

Don’t you dare close your clubs

A thousand more goals to concede

Hold your breath, it gets worse

We’re like a joking star

We’ve been so suck

We can’t go back to where we used to be

A whole new team

Every match a surprise

With Inter, Juve to pursue

Every moments red letter

We’ll chase them everywhere

There’s time to buy (buy players)

Let us see this whole new team exist

A whole new team

A whole new team

That’s what we need

That’s what we’ll have

A thrilling league

A scudetto

For Milanisti

The funniest part of this lyric is the italicized paragraph. Of course, not only for me, but especially Milanisti, this season’s results so far, including the fact that they only scored 4 goals in 7 games, can be classified as unbelievable sights (Milan 0-4 Inter, Milan 0-0 Bari, Udinese 2-1 Milan, Milan 0-1 Zurich, 10 men Atalanta 1-1 Milan). That way, I understand that it is virtually impossible to describe the feeling of Milanisti. They kept soaring, tumbling, free-wheeling through an endless run of games (an exaggeration actually, but still funny).

This is not an offence to Milanisti. However I hope and I believe they can resurrect themselves, because it is not good to watch Serie A taken over by the likes of Sampdoria, instead of Milan. I believe that Milan do need a whole new team to replace the old, slow and incompetent one they have now, if they want to have any chance to compete with the best like Inter or Juventus.

This song, is a treasure of Uncle Salabam’s own possession, that he got after returning from Goal.com Island.

CR9 Broke the Record

In La Liga week 4 match against Villarreal, Cristiano Ronaldo must have aimed to become the only Real Madrid player to score a goal in each of his first four La Liga matches. And he did break that record. Already with the transfer fee world record in hand, that is far from the only other record Cristiano will be attempting to break at Real Madrid this season. Here’s a list of some of the most notable club records he’ll be attempting to shatter:

-Most league goals in a single season (current holder: Hugo Sanchez, 38 goals)

-Most goals scored in all competitions (current holder: Ferenc Puskas, 48 goals)

-Most goals scored while wearing spray-tan (current holder: David Beckham, 6 goals)

-Most goal celebrations that make you want to punch the celebrator in the throat (current holder: Cristiano Ronaldo, all of them)

-Most prostitutes banged in a season (current holder: probably Fat Ronaldo)

-Most hair products used prior to a single match (current holder: David Beckham)

-Consecutive minutes forgetting that there are, in fact, other players on the pitch (current holder: Cristiano Ronaldo, 37 minutes)

-Most glances in the mirror during a single halftime period (current holder: Cristiano Ronaldo, 1 continuous gaze)

-Consecutive matches played while wearing underpants purchased in a women’s store (current holder: none/maybe David Beckham)

-Goals scored while fighting two or more venereal diseases (current holder: none)

-Most flirtatious winks at Kaka during a single match (current holder: Cristiano Ronaldo, 74 winks)

-Most goals scored while being quiet and unassuming and never wearing hotpants and staying as far away from Paris Hilton’s poison lady bits as possible at all times (current holder: I’ll give you one guess who it’s not)

This record list is one of Uncle Salabam's treasure that he got from Dirty Tackle Island.

CR9 is a Part of Los Gay-acticos

Actually there is one secret thing, hidden behind the glamorous transfers of the Neo-Galacticos Real Madrid. They signed football maestros such as Cristiano Ronaldo, Kaka, Karim Benzema, and some others, yet undeliberately (it can be meant as well), they also signed a homosexual star. His name is Cristiano Ronaldo, or nicknamed CR9.

Do you believe me that CR9 is a homosexual? I had just realized this when I did some spy over him. I caught him a couple of times to chase his so-called ‘couple’. And his couple? Wow, he’s got a wife, a beautiful one, and yet he was still chased by a homosexual star like CR9. And the answer is Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, a.k.a. Kaka. It’s amazing, isn’t it. I have some photographs to prove that CR9 is chasing after Kaka. It seems that they are going to be gay married soon. Take a close look:

These photographs are one of a treasure of Uncle Salabam that he got from the Dirty Tackle Island.