CR9 Broke the Record

In La Liga week 4 match against Villarreal, Cristiano Ronaldo must have aimed to become the only Real Madrid player to score a goal in each of his first four La Liga matches. And he did break that record. Already with the transfer fee world record in hand, that is far from the only other record Cristiano will be attempting to break at Real Madrid this season. Here’s a list of some of the most notable club records he’ll be attempting to shatter:

-Most league goals in a single season (current holder: Hugo Sanchez, 38 goals)

-Most goals scored in all competitions (current holder: Ferenc Puskas, 48 goals)

-Most goals scored while wearing spray-tan (current holder: David Beckham, 6 goals)

-Most goal celebrations that make you want to punch the celebrator in the throat (current holder: Cristiano Ronaldo, all of them)

-Most prostitutes banged in a season (current holder: probably Fat Ronaldo)

-Most hair products used prior to a single match (current holder: David Beckham)

-Consecutive minutes forgetting that there are, in fact, other players on the pitch (current holder: Cristiano Ronaldo, 37 minutes)

-Most glances in the mirror during a single halftime period (current holder: Cristiano Ronaldo, 1 continuous gaze)

-Consecutive matches played while wearing underpants purchased in a women’s store (current holder: none/maybe David Beckham)

-Goals scored while fighting two or more venereal diseases (current holder: none)

-Most flirtatious winks at Kaka during a single match (current holder: Cristiano Ronaldo, 74 winks)

-Most goals scored while being quiet and unassuming and never wearing hotpants and staying as far away from Paris Hilton’s poison lady bits as possible at all times (current holder: I’ll give you one guess who it’s not)

This record list is one of Uncle Salabam's treasure that he got from Dirty Tackle Island.